Same Old Shit

My roommate and I were talking as I was cooking for the week and simultaneously washing dishes.

As I set up four tupperware bowls and four matching lids and continued to portion out equal amounts of rice, followed by equal amounts of veggies, I commented on how I do this every fucking week.

My roommate then went on to explain how we have a primal brain, that exists apparently near the brain stem (he's a bit of an au natural vitamin taking hippie as well as one of those people who thinks all government is a conspiracy), and this primal brain was all we had when we were barely walking apes.

This part of the brain only thinks about hunger, sex, and apparently routine (please remember, this is not cited by Wikipedia, this is sourced from my roommate who only will drink distilled water from bottles.)

But maybe he's absolutely right.
About human's thriving on routine, not about how free masons rule this country (but who knows maybe he's on to something.)

I rely on my routine. I wouldn't wake up at 6am every morning if it wasn't for my routine.
My job is COMPLETELY routine.
When a phone call at work goes over 5 minutes, I get anxious. Because I can't get back to the routine typing that is the rest of my job.

Some of my routines are good.
Working out every day after work is a heart healthy routine.
Going to the grocery store weekly instead of eating out is a money saving routine.


But some of my routines are bad
Having one or three gin and tonics with dinner is a liver damaging routine.
Chewing and ripping on the skin around my fingers is a dirty and unattractive routine.

Recognizing this, I've decided to try to stop these routines.

I'm going to drink tea instead of booze. Sugared tea of course.
I'm going to start wearing lotion and doing all that I can to not pick or chew at my fingers.


I'm a week into the finger experiment and already, I've caught myself with my hand in my mouth and I didn't even realize it until I'm taking it out.
The routine was so ingrained in me, since childhood, that I was doing it and my brain didn't even actively realize it. Like blinking or breathing. It was a completely involuntary movement.

I'm not sure what I can do to replace this movement. Especially since it helps my anxiety.
I've tried chewing gum but that gets old quickly (literally.)

I've read about wearing gloves (silly and hot, and I would like like Michael Jackson at work), wearing bandaids on each finger (hard to wash my hands and did I mention looking like a freak), as well as dipping my fingers in hot sauce or cayenne pepper (yeah because I never rub my eyes.)

For now, I can only help that will power can turn around this routine.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy my tupperware lunch at work and hope that rice and veggies are all I will be putting into my mouth.