Screw It

It rained all weekend.

After a terrible week, I was not happy to see a rainy weekend. I was looking forward to breaking out, going out, and hopefully embracing singlehood.

Instead I found myself inside, watching Michael Phelps delivers the worst performance on SNL I've ever seen. I ate a whole pizza and a bag of chips.
Not good.

It finally stopped raining about the time I had finished off my gin (about an hour ago.)

And it was around this time that I realized that being alone = never knowing the next time you will have sex.

And that is scarier than knowing I ate an entire pizza (and a good reason to NEVER eat pizza again.)


I'm not exactly a slut but nor am I a prude.
Let's just say that in the past year, I have not gone without sex for more than one month and I've only had one serious relationship (and it only lasted three months.)
You do the math.

For a while, I was just trying to get as much experience as I could.
I thought "higher the number = better the lover."

Now, I'm nearing the mid-teens and am thinking "why not aim for 30?"

My 5 year plan does not consist of getting married, getting a promotion, and popping about a few kids.

My 5 year plan includes spending a few months in Europe, spending a year in Korea, sleeping with foreign men, and saving tons of money before coming back to the states. I want to see the world, meet tons of different people, and enjoy the friendships I have here.

It took a year, getting my heart broken twice, and a lot of wasted time to realize this.

But still, knowing that I don't want nor will have a serious relationship doesn't mean I don't want the next best thing.

No-strings attached sex.

But it's not that easy.
First, you have to find someone that is attractive and attracted to you.
Then you have to find out if they are good in bed or not (this usually takes at least two attempts and possibly a lot of alcohol.)
Then, you have to make sure that you don't like them in any other way or things will get fucked up and you will lose the sex.


The absolute worst is when you get a crush on a friend.
And you wonder what the sex would be like. But you can't tell them you like them for fear of losing a friend. As well as the fear that they would fucking suck in the sack.


So what does one do when one is single, in need of sex, and fresh out of fuck buddies?

One gets on a diet, starts working out, and plans for the glorious return to the bar scene.
One hopes that one's roommates will forgive her slutty ways.
One hopes that she can find a tall man with a moustache and blue eyes that knows his way around a woman's body (specifically mine.)


So until I have new stories to tell, I will have to start telling the old stories.
Of the man who cried "chinks."
Of the man who slapped, choked, and was the worst sex I've ever had.
Of the man with the curved...you know what.

But those are for another night.

Tonight I google pics of attractive men and try to sleep and get back to work.
5 more days until I'm ready to hit the market and get ready to shop.
I only hope that someone with a good fit is out there for me to buy.