Whale Watching

So I had a mini-vacation over the weekend-ish.
Went to bumfuck eastern Indiana to go to a big excuse to buy crafts and antiques and junk called Covered Bridge Festival.
I went with my mom, dad, and their dog, so I knew I needed to get as drunk as possible and get laid the night before I left. I managed to accomplish both of these tasks and was basically hungover on the awfully delayed train ride out there. Then I presumed to walk around in 85 degree heat without shorts. Talk about sweating out alcohol.

I'm not sure why I go to this thing most years.
I always buy two things and two things only.
Vintage and cheap sunglasses and tons of delicious and amazingly bad for me foods.

And seriously, I have a feeling that 90% of the people at this thing are there simply to eat.

And I know this not because there are a good 50+ food vendors, but because 90% of the people at these things are HUGE.
I mean, there's a point where fat becomes obese and where obese becomes FRONT BUTT.

I have never seen so many people in Hoverounds in my life who were not injured in any way and who were under 60 years old.


People so fat that they CAN'T. WALK. Yet somehow, they needed to roll themselves out of their house to get to the feeding fest that is the Parke County Covered Bridge Festival.

I don't know if it's from living in a city for so long where people get around mostly by walking and where healthy, fresh fruit and vegetables are readily accessible at the corner store, but I'm used to seeing normal sized people on a daily basis. And when I do see someone who is a bit heavyset, it's usually such a oddity that I'm like "whoa weird, go for a walk."
And I live in a city known for hot dogs, pizza, and drinking beer. Yet somehow, we keep our shit semi-together with 24 hours gyms.

But on my trip, seeing someone who wasn't wearing pants with an elastic waist was the oddity. Every time I saw a skinny person, I got all excited like "whoa! they must be from somewhere far away too!"

I mean, I'm not one to climb on my high horse too much. I mean, I got some extra pounds. I could work out more, I could stop eating cheetos, and I really should stop drinking my weight in gin three times a week.

But I have a right to stand on a soap box a bit since I'm also not walking around in public eating an entire blooming onion all by myself.

Honestly, with how many food vendors were at this thing, you would think you would have some sort of healthy option.
You see a sign that says "MR. VEGETABLE! ZUCCHINI, BROCCOLI, MUSHROOMS!"
You get very excited.
Then you realize that all of them are dipped in batter and deep fried.
You see a sign that says "BURRITOS!" and you think of veggies, rice, beans, salsa.
Then you realize that it's beef with cheese and sour cream and that chicken will cost you extra.

And anything that can be deep fried, WILL BE DEEP FRIED.
Cheese curds, Oreos, hot dogs.
I know that next year, deep fried cheeseburgers will be the next big thing. I mean, that's only about 8,000 calories.

And honestly. Chicken was impossible to find, let alone something made of soy or falafel or something.
Beef reigns supreme with potatoes and lard or dough coming in right behind.
And don't forget the lemon shakeups!

And the portions!
Plates, bowls, cups filled up so much that sharing should be mandatory.

And this is how these people get this way.
We were in traffic for a good 45 minutes simply trying to park because these people drive everywhere because they live in a place where I could not even get ONE BAR of cell reception.
They eat beef, potatoes, and things that come out of cans. One of the vendors was hawking some sort of "food product" that could be frozen for something like 8 years and never go bad.
Um, should we even be eating that? It'll just taste like a big pile of MSG and salt, I'm sure.
And if we can't freeze it, let's just deep fry it.

I'm glad that I live in a city. I'm glad that I have access to soymilk and the opportunity to ride a bike instead of sitting behind a wheel after sitting behind a desk for 8+ hours.
I will try not let myself forget how lucky I am or of the choices I made to end up here.

Luckily, we decided to come home a day early so I could leave McCain country and spend a rare day off in the city.

So of course I got incredibly wasted the night before my day off and had a sleepover at a dude's house whose name I kept forgetting.

Oh, city life. The country can keep it's beauty and sunsets.
I got asphalt, gin, and two booty calls within 3 blocks of my house.