Hello, Goodbye

I'm resurrecting a theme I've used before.

I just read my 12-31-07 post and I decided that I once again need to write down a list of my best and worst experiences

This list was tough to put together mostly because I spent so much time working, that I almost made it the Top 6. There's only so much good and bad stuff about financing car warranties.

But without further ado, before I head out to a house party, drink too much, and make silly calls at midnight, here are me:

TOP 10 BEST AND WORST MOMENTS OF 2008.

(in a new format, yay!)

5. Worst - Calling Out a Good Friend and Knowing it Hurt Her: After a series of unreturned phone calls, texts, and instant messages, I wrote a lengthy, honest, and, quite frankly, scathing email to one of my best friends. I had had enough and I thought "hard truths" would get through. They did, but I can't help but think and know that it hurt her. And knowing I could hurt someone with words that much just doesn't sit right with me.

5. Best - Landing a Steady Job: This time last year, I was unemployed. And by some dumb luck, I got a temp job that turned into a permanent position complete with vacation days, insurance, and even time & half overtime. It's not my dream job, but it's very relaxed and the pay is not terrible. Even though I get up at 6am Monday through Friday, it feels good to know I can still pay bills.

4. Worst - Making Bad Choices with Men: While last year I was proud of my freedom of sexuality, this year it all came back to slap me in the face (as it should.) Being single means being lonely. And when times get desperate, one makes stupid choices. From one night stands to sleeping with "friends." I'm not quite regretful, but let's just say I could have thought twice.

4. Best - Finally Getting That Tattoo: The day after Thanksgiving, I hopped on my bike, went down to, Insight Studios, and the next day, I was sitting in a chair for 5 hours while a needle was repeatedly stabbed in my arm by a dude named Ryan. The tattoo is not done and it will be a month or so before I can get it finished, but this beauty on my arm makes me smile every day.

3. Worst - Drinking Too Much/Gaining Weight - I was not a light weight last year. And it got worse this year. I could down a 750 ml of gin in a week if you asked me too. I started drinking every night with dinner. I thought it helped me escape the boredom of my job. Instead, I put on a good 10-15 pounds that I still have yet to lose. To say it's depressing is an understatement.

3. Best - Trips to Cedar Point and My First Ever White Sox Game - Due to a summer romance with a dude with a car, I was finally able to do a few fun things. This included taking a weekend to drive to Ohio to ride a 420 foot rollercoaster as well as blowing almost $100 seeing dudes hit a ball with bats while getting insanely sunburnt. Even with red skin, I had an amazing summer.

2. Worst - Getting Dumped, TWICE! - Dude number one simply stopped returning my calls and then basically denied me into his house by pulling the old "not ready for a relationship" card at 1am with freezing rain in February. Dude number two sent me an email that I recieved at work. I've cried at work for multiple reasons but never for a dude. In the end, it's better this way but I was hurt, plain and simple. They say you should have your heart broken when you are a teenager. Because when you are 22, it's a lot harder to deal with that and regular life.

2. Best - Moving to Logan Square: Living in Pilsen is like living in Eastern Europe. Sure everything is super cheap and you are close to a bakery, but in the end, no one wants to visit you and everyone thinks you are smelly and weird for staying there. Once I moved to Northwest side of Chicago, half a block off the arguably busiest street in the city, I found myself seeing friends more often, going out more often, and meeting even more people. Thank you, Logan Square.

1. Worst - Four Bike Accidents resulting in 2 ER Trips, 1 Destroyed Bike, and Multiple Fractures: Accident number 1: St. Patricks Day 2008. A pedestrian jumps a median to run to a bar. I barely miss him but he decides to grab me so I fall over. One bloodied shirt, one ripped jacket, and a new scar on my right arm. Accident number 2: Early July 2008. Riding on Milwaukee. Passing a fellow cyclist when he decides to turn left into me causing me to fall into the middle of the street. Eight hours in the E/R and more scars on my left arm. Accident number 3: Early November 2008. Half a block from my house, I take my usual short cut to Milwaukee down a one way street. The wrong way. Head on collision with a sedan. Destroyed the front wheel, fork, and frame. I walked away with only a huge bump on my right leg and a huge dent in my left leg (still there.) Accident number 4: Early December. Too many drinks at a bar later plus ice and dropping temps equal me waking up at a hospital with a police report about a Range Rover hitting me, a severely out of true front wheel, two broken ribs, a fractured left scapula, and a fracture in my left knee. Two weeks in the burbs, out of work, and just now walking away. I still plan on getting back on the bikes.

1. Best - Having Amazing Friends and an Amazing 23rd Birthday: As you may recall, my birthday last year included me, one friend, and a boy I had just met at a bar (after I sat alone for an hour.) This year, I had a grill with home made burgers, a kiddie pool full of over 100 cans of beers, and a night full of more than 40 people coming in and out. I also reconnected with an old friend and spent an amazing weekend in Milwaukee. I also made a couple new friends who I can't imagine my life without while at the same time, somehow maintaining contact with my old ones as well. If it wasn't for my friends, I would not be where I am today. From my roommates, to the girls who go to brunch with me, to the bike riding community that truly does help each other out (and maybe even find you a date.)

So with less than 4 hours remaining in 2008, I want to give a toast to the year that brought us Obama, Twitter, and the best city in the world, Chicago.

I do have resolutions this year. And I plan on sticking to them, unlike last year.
But my superstitious side refuses to type them out.

Here's to you 2008.
You came in like a lamb and out like a lion.
Welcome 2009.
Do me proud.

Head Over Heels

Infatuation is a dangerous thing.

It can make you do stupid things.
It can make you forget to do important things.
most importantly, it can cloud your judgment.

For the first time in a long time, I have completely and utter fallen for someone in a mere 3 days (more 2.5 really.) By fallen I mean I actually was happy, smiley, and giggly at work today. I only got mad at the phone twice.

THIS IS VERY UNLIKE ME.

Luckily, because I have a wide variety of friends, I have friends who stoke the fire, and also friends who throw water on it.

One of my friends gets excited with me. She becomes my "cheerleader". Egging me on to share pictures and stories and quotes and delve further in what my teenage years should have been.

One friend brings me down from my high. She warns me to keep my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders and to never rush anything. She urges me to step away from the ledge of getting hurt.

Finding a happy balance in the crazy emotion that is the beginning of a crush (or of dating) is quite difficult.
You can't be too cynical. You mustn't let him know you are already expecting him to leave you high and dry.
But you also can't be too optimistic. If he realizes you have already picked out the kids name, he WILL leave you high and dry.


And then, thanks to this wonderful digital age we live in, there's the urge to text, im, email, call and all other forms of electronic communication that you really should take a break from.
Put the iPhone down.
Stop googling his name.
Don't lick that stamp (oh wait, this isn't the turn of the century...)
Quit making that mix CD he's gonna hate (no man likes female folk singers, seriously.)

Right now I just need to take a breath, see some friends with fire extinguishers, and do some quenching of the flame of desire.

Although, if you are lucky like me, the object of your affection will make it easy on you by skipping town for a week.


At least now I will have enough time to properly e-stalk him.

I Don't Wish to Fight You

I own probably close to 100 movies. Maybe more. Maybe less. If you count TV on DVD than most definitely.

My roommate loves this because he loves watching movies. He will see every movie at the $3 theater even if it's Barney: The Big Purple Movie (why do I think that's a real movie). And he'll see them more than once if they don't change up their lineup frequently enough.

My roommate went through 4 seasons of the X-Files in less than a month. He would have watched more if I owned more than just those four.

He loves this shit.

And when I come home from work, I love this shit too.
We have been known to make dinner and then sit in front of the tube and watch Scrubs, the Office, or some random movie.

Tonight I told him to pick. After vetoing a few (I mean, Babysitters Club? Why do I own that) we decided on Far and Away which is a ridiculous, kinda long melodrama starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (can't remember if it's pre or post marriage) as irish natives who flea to the new world and fall in love at the turn of the century.

I fucking love this movie even though it was panned by critics and made little money at the box office. Tom Cruise is at his peak in hotness and who can hate on irish accents.

I was wondering if my roommate would love it or hate it. It's basically like The Crow, the other movie that I love (enough to have permanently placed on my body.) You either love it or hate it or just think it's fucking stupid (which is pretty much hating it.)

In the end he liked it but he said it was because he's a romantic and that he found my secret.

That I am a closet romantic.

I immediately denied this. I'm a heartbreaker. I look down on PDA. I do not like flowers.

But at the same time, I demand chocolate on valentines day. I think my friend and her boyfriend are the cutest fucking thing ever (and get mad jealous). And sometimes, I think babies are cute and not the spawn of Satan (SOMETIMES.)

but what is a romantic in this day and age?
It's someone who actually calls instead of sending a text 3 hours later.
It's someone who buys you a real card instead of sending you some e-card.
It's someone who buys you dinner first before drinks.

In the film, Nicole Kidman's character has her legs crossed while sitting. Her floor-length dress is raised slightly because of her raised leg.
Tom Cruise's character Joseph catches some men looking and whispers hastily, "show some decency and cover your ankles, Shannon!"

My roommate looked at me and said "we've come a long way."
Especially since Maxim magazine exists.


I still don't think I'm a romantic. I think all the romantics have to find each other and stay together doing cutesy things like being vegan together and wearing the same boat shoes.
Then you find out they have the cutest furniture you've ever seen and you get envious.

I'm much to kooky to be romantic.
But I'm sure I'll meet someone just as kooky so that we can do such kooky things together as putting eggs on a our peanut butter toast and wearing members only jackets in a completely non-ironic way.
If Tom Cruise can marry Nicole Kidman, anything can happen.

Reach Bear

December has been a very interesting month for me and it's hard to believe it's almost over.
I told my roommate earlier how I feel like it was just January 2008 yesterday. The winter went by with a new job, the spring flew away with moving across town, the summer disappeared with a relationship, fall came and went with a few drunken nights and suddenly it's Thanksgiving and I'm getting a tattoo.
But this isn't my goodbye 2008 entry.
This is the beginning of something better.

After a week of vacation from work earlier this month, I got in a horrible bike vs. car accident that left me with two broken ribs, a fractured left scapula and a fractured left anterior tibial spine (basically, a part of your knee.) Also pretty sure I bruised my tailbone (or fractured it, who knows.)

So I took another two weeks off work and moved myself and my cat back to my folks house since I was wheelchair bound for a good 4 days.
During which Christmas happened. I ate, I saw an old friend, and I finally got a working digital camera. I also watched an INSANE amount of cable television. Honestly, I cannot take any more VH1 Top 100 ANYTHING lists. Reality television is the devil. And the movie Twilight is beyond ridiculous. But oh such a guilty pleasure.

I am finally back in Chicago and heading back to work for the first time in three weeks.
and I've already started a slew of resolutions for myself including:

-drinking less
-knitting more
-meeting new people
-deleting people from my phone who I shouldn't talk to
-working out more (once I can)

and of course

-writing more

I need to stick to writing something once a day.
I have new inspiring music. I need to get creative again instead of just getting sloppy drunk and falling asleep depressed.

I have a crush and that feeling alone makes life exciting.

I also went and saw the film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
I went alone so if I cried, no one would see me.
And I did.
The film is incredibly touching. A bit long but it needs to be. It's beautiful, whimsical and heartbreaking. The hummingbird damn near killed it for me, but I still enjoyed it. But don't listen to my review or any review. Watch it for yourself. And if you like Bolt better, well hey, that's you.
Only, pee before hand and don't drink too much. Or you might miss the part where Brad Pitt is looking his best.

Today was one of those days where you talk so long with someone, that you close down a cafe and are the last ones to leave while the workers clean up around you.
A day when the sun is shining, and cooking and watching a movie are accomplishments that you are proud of.

also, visiting Milwaukee was amazing. The art museum there literally inspired me. I need to travel more, even if it's to a place close to me that I've never seen before.


Routine begins again tomorrow but I plan on changing it a bit.
More reading on the train that I now have to take.
More tea at all hours of the day.
And more writing any random thought. Even if I only have a sentence.
Tonight, I had slightly more than that.

Smell This

I think having a sense of smell can be an awful thing.

Memory is hooked up to scents in the most insane way.
It's more personal than image.
It's more emotional than sounds.

Sometimes, I THINK I smell a certain scent and suddenly I'm taken back to a different place and time.

Whether it's the smell of my grandma cooking ground beef and boiling potatoes in her kitchen in Wood Dale when I was in elementary school to the patchouli and tea tree oil scent of the neck of a boy who held me so close and proceeded to leave and never gave me closure.

I have a tub of these medicated pads made for post shaving that have a very unique scent. And every time I open the jar, I am taken back to summer 2007, drinking flasks in a bar while dancing, sweaty nights in a lofted apartment, and sleeping on rooftops.

Having a cold is a welcome reprieve.
Except for the sneezing and such.

But I guess I would forget more things without this added bonus of being able to simply breathe in and have a serious case of nostalgia.

I guess it reminds me that I'm human and am affected by those close to me.

I hope to make new memories based on new smells.
I also hope they will be good ones, not bad.

Positivity

Since the last post, I've been doing this focusing on the positive stuff.
Trying to only think of the good things.
Not letting stupid shit get me down.

But I think people who appear always happy are probably the most mentally fucked.
We need sadness in our lives. We need drama. We need memories of all those trains that have passed us by.

I got a new tattoo and of course when I leave I find someone stole an integral part of my bicycle that would need to be replaced before I could ride it.
Then I find out the tattoo is a lot more painful than I thought (it's quite large and colorful.).
Then I get two flats in two days on my other bicycle.
Then we lose our hot water for a day.
Then I notice that a car accident plus thanksgiving plus tattoo = no working out = chubby me.
And now I see photos of the only boy I will never get over appearing very happy on a vacation with the girl he is now dating.

So my good friend who writes the blog I Am Chicago posted this little gem.

I must have watched it at least 7 times by now.
And I downloaded her album.

I feel a lot happier but only because her sad, soulful voice gets to sing for my sadness and depression. So I continue to think of going to Kuma's for dinner tomorrow, visiting a friend in Milwaukee, and my upcoming staycation.

I highly recommend you check out Sia's album, "Some People Have Real Problems."
Download that before you download Britney Spear's "Circus".
or get both at the same time.
hey, two birds.