Think of the Children

Ever since I can remember I did not want to have kids.
I always felt pretty uncomfortable around them, especially babies.
I always hated it when some lady showed up with her newborn and all the other ladies would be all "OOOH LOOK AT THE BABY, CAN I HOLD THE BABY?!"
I never want to hold a baby. I'm afraid I'll "do it wrong" and then I'll drop the baby. That does not make a happy mommy.

And then they grow up into terrible toddlers who cry and want everything in the world.
Then they turn 7 and ask for a cell phone and you just want to smack them. Who are you gonna call? Grandma?
Then they hit puberty and they hate you.
Then then maybe one day when they are in the mid 20's, they finally say thank you.

Did I mention the cost?
I mean, shit god damn.
Babies are expensive.
They grow so much, you might need to buy them a new pair of shoes a week after you bought their last pair.
And the toys. The mountains of toys.
Then they want the new playstation and then a car and next you know, you are supposed to have $60,000 for college and then the wedding.

oy.
sorry mom and dad, but I can't really pay you back for all of that.

I'm quite happy spending all of my money on myself and my friends and loved ones (that I didn't give birth too.)
Of course my grandma likes to tell me that I have to get married and have a kid before she dies.
I hope she's on some good meds and taking her vitamins.
I'm much to selfish to have a kid. Yeah, I said it and it's true.

but then, you watch a movie called The Family Man and for one fleeting second, you want the 2 kids and the mortgage and the depressing job.
This was basically me this afternoon.

Or a few weeks ago when I realized that without kids, when you are old and dusty and all your friends are dying, you won't have that support system. Sure you have cousins but no immediate family.

Scary thoughts that make you doubt your own mindset.

I'm still nowhere near ready to have kids.
Hell, I'm just now about ready to have a stable, healthy relationship.
I have countries I want to see, bikes to race, and money to spend on myself.

But maybe I will find someone I really like.
Maybe I will get married.
Maybe I will lose my body forever and pop one out.

or maybe I'll just adopt (I don't need anymore stretch marks.)

Writing that out kind of scared me a bit. The idea of being pregnant and the pain of childbirth, egad! I mean, I've been hit by cars but I imagine having a living being come out of you hurts a TON more.

But all that is years into my future (possibly.)

For now, I'm perfectly fine ignoring strollers and wanting to smack the hell out of every kid in the grocery store.
And please, don't bring your baby near me.
It's probably not that cute anyway.