Here Comes the Rain Again

I find it very hard to not compare myself to others constantly.
I wonder if anyone compares themselves to me and thinks how lucky I am?
I honestly cannot see this happening.



It's not a good trait.
The minute I see someone thinner than me, I get mad and jealous and think it's unfair.
The same thing happens when I see someone who has a better job with more benefits or has more pictures on facebook of them smiling with friends or whatever the case may be.

This causes me to regret a lot.
Even though I'm secretly proud of myself for working since I was old enough to (sometimes two jobs at once while attending school) and thus being able to say that I'm debt free, it comes at a steep price.
High school was just my day job until my night and weekend job.
College was nothing more than a second full time job to match my first one.

I rarely partied.
I rarely drank until I was 21.
I rarely had time for clubs or extracurricular activities and the ones I did were mainly to look good on some piece of paper.
I didn't make friends.
I didn't go to keggars.
I worked, I read, I ate, I slept.



Now I find myself out of school, without that rewarding job and without that group of friends one finds in college.
I attempted to get into a few different circles but in the end, they leave and move on and I'm alone again.

I try to tell myself that anyone who says that their school years are the best years of their life is full of shit and obviously they will be missing out another 50 or 60 years of good, great or even better times.

But I also believe that youth is wasted on the young and I let my prime years pass by.
Now I'm stuck being responsible and only more duties will pile up as the years pass.

I know I have to make a change, but it's tough when routine runs your life and without a job, you are scrambling. After the work is over, the errands are ran, and the cooking, cleaning and working out is done, the only time left is sleep.
The best I can do is look at old pictures and try to see that I did have a few happy times.

Yet I can't help but feel that they are few and far between.