I have been told to actually look at the clock, say the date and time aloud and to not think in any sort of future terms, I will, I have to, I was going to, etc.
Yes, it feels as silly to do that as it sounds.
There are times when I am in the moment.
For example, on the way into work today, I thought the sky looked really pretty as dawn was just approaching and the sun was bouncing off the buildings beautifully.
Yet my problem is, once I'm in the moment, I'm very much aware that am I, and my thoughts immediately turn to "crap, this moment is about to end and I'm going to have to go in that building and sit at that desk for 9 hours." I'm painfully aware that fun and good times have an expiration date. Yet work, errands, the monotony of boring shit that is life - this stuff seems to last forever with no end in sight.
The majority of my waking hours have been work or errands since I was a child (yes, school is work), making it quiet hard to focus and appreciate the good times as they seem few and far between on any regular week day. Three hours of dinner and a movie once a week easily gets swept under the rug when 45 hours of work loom on the horizon.
Sometimes though, the cosmos, the world, the "great force", whatever you may take it as, forces you to look at the small things, the short times, the everyday parts of your life. It throws in your face the fact that YOU ARE MORTAL. Time is not guaranteed. And you better appreciate what you have.
And I'm trying.
Yesterday, news came to me from various outlets.
A women, nearly my age, was killed in a freak accident while she was simply riding her bike.
Reports are sketchy, but somehow a truck ran over her, taking away her life almost instantly.
This is the kind of random thing that could happen to me or a loved one. I ride my bicycle every day, as do many of my friends as well as my boyfriend.
We wear helmets, but some things can just happen, some accidents can not be protected by a piece of plastic and foam.
As usual, I urge all cyclists to take every precaution they can. Follow traffic signals, wear helmets, use headlights and rearlights, signal turns with your arms, and take caution. I also urge all drivers to do the same, follow signals, watch your speed, be wary of distractions such as phones and food, be aware of your surroundings.
Life is short. I'm extremely lucky. I've been in some serious accidents and not only am I alive, I can walk and continue my life as normal. I'm lucky enough to still have all my friends on their bikes, wearing their helmets, alive and well.
I never met the woman who was killed yesterday, but where ever she is now, I hope she realizes that she did not die in vain.
Even if it's just for a day, or a few hours, I'm trying to better appreciate my life and live in these moments.
While I may not be telling myself aloud what the date and time is, i'm still trying.
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