Long Hair Don't Care

About a month ago I found out that my hairdresser quit and wasn't ever coming back.
I was surprised.
I was also peeved because all my haircuts with him were free.
Now not only do I have to find a new magician to make me look semi-deec, but I have to spend money to do so.
GRR!



While I already have an idea of where I want to go (let's just say they offer you PBR when you walk in the door), I'm kind of scared.
I've had the same haircut for over 2 years which in my life is basically FOREVER.

I went through the neon colors phase as well as the asymmetric haircut stage.
But for the past 3 years I've just been growing it, getting it trimmed, and maintaining my bangs.

Now I don't know.
While the humidity has me begging for a shorter style, I know that winter is just around the corner.
And while these bangs have served me well, I can't justify blowing money every 2 months to keep them in check.

For now, I'm attempting to grow them out which at the moment looks hilarious.
My boyfriend mentioned he digs the short styles but I'm still not convinced.

Perhaps I'll spend my spare time reading celebrity blogs and try to find someone I wouldn't mind looking like.

I hear that new Joan Jett movie might have some pointers.



well.
maybe not.

A Cinematic Life

I'm not sure this is a saying, but you know how the "saying" goes: When you are pregnant, everyone in the world is pregnant. When you are looking to buy a certain car, everybody is driving that kind of car. When you are looking for a house, every yard has a "for sale sign in it."

So it makes sense that every once in a while, when I'm at a defining moment in life, that I'll go watch a movie that tends to reflect my exact situation.

The first time this happened, I was 21 years old and visiting a friend at her college for a long weekend.
At the time I was finishing my last year in college, working a full time job at a restaurant, and living with my boyfriend who, at that point, I had been dating for a year.

On my visit, I was feeling restless. I felt very unhappy in my current life situation. I was using the trip as an escape. So it made sense when we saw the film "The Last Kiss."



For those who haven't seen it (which is probably a lot of people and sorry, I'm gonna ruin it for you), the story follows a man who is living with his girlfriend and whoops, she gets knocked up. His parents are excited, his g/f is excited, but he is kind of rethinking it.
He sees his married friend and how unhappy he is with his newborn (divorce follows for the friend.) Most of his other friends are also pretty damn unhappy with their lives.
Then our main man meets a MUCH YOUNGER girl at a wedding and WHOOPS he falls for her.
He does something stupid, his girlfriend finds out, and blah blah, it obviously ends on a happy note.

But when I saw this movie, I saw myself.
Seemingly stuck living with someone because of situations out of my control (school/money/etc for me)and I wanted OUT!
But while I am not a cheater, I did come back to Chicago and attempted the first of many "breakups" with said boy.
It took almost 8 months (and my own graduation) for me to put the final nail in the coffin and leave.

That was 3 years ago.

Cut to modern day.
I'm sharing a three bedroom with two other dudes. I have a steady 9-5 (ok, 8-5) job that gives me vacation days and weekends off. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love and who loves me back just as much if not more.
Yet I feel antsy. I'm not moving foward in life for the first time and I'm confused as to what my future holds concerning my "career" (not doing this job for another 10 years) as well as where I'll even be living in a year (my roommates do not seem eager to renew since one already told me he is moving to Austin.)

So, after an odd week and while my boyfriend was away on vacation with his family, I went and saw "Away We Go."



Since this movie just came out and I think EVERYONE SHOULD SEE IT, I won't give it away, but I will say what the trailer says (which you should go watch right now.)
The story follows a couple who (also) got pregnant randomly (wtf, why is this a theme for me), yet here, they are both excited about it.
They tell his parents, and they are NOT so excited. So they say, well, ya know what, screw them, let's travel around the country to see where to live since obviously the folks don't care if we live near them anymore.

Now, semi-spoiler alert. Only because it gives away lines from the movie that aren't in the trailer.

Two scenes hit me if only because of the script.
An early scene, before they leave for their trip, shows the couple sitting in their house lit by candlelight while the woman asks her man, "Bert, are we fuckups?"
This goes back and forth with him saying no and her saying, yes we are.
And BAM. I was the one sitting there. I felt like a fuckup. I can only see the reasons why my life is not perfect or why others would look down on me. I tell my boyfriend this and he, of course, tells me I'm wrong.

The second scene later shows them on the road, and feeling down on themselves because other people have been judging them and yet at the same time, when they look at these judgemental people, they can't help but feel like they are also wrong.
The couple are talking when the woman says "nobody is in love like we are, right?"
and BAM AGAIN! That's how I feel with my boyfriend. While it's scary because it doesn't seem the 'norm' like other people, it also gives me a bit of a feeling like, ya know what, other people aren't better than me, they aren't right. They are just different and only *I* know what's right for me.

And that, to me, was really the point of the movie.
You can try to go out of your way to look at other people's lives and see how yours compares and how it can fit in, or you can look inside yourself and at your own situation and see what YOU want and what's right FOR YOU.

Damn, I just gave myself chills.

And at this point in my life, where I am constantly comparing and questioning, I needed this.
I needed something to show me that you don't have to go back to school because your friends do.
You don't have to have a certain type of romantic relationship.

You can do whatever your heart desires and in no way does that make you a fuck-up.
I mean, unless doing meth is what your heart desires.
But back to my sorry excuse for a point.

Three years ago a movie mirrored my own unhappiness and showed that you have to make a choice and sometimes it hurts everybody involved. And then I did make that choice.

Three years later a movie mirrored my own insecurities about the future or my relationship and showed me that what I have is great and that nobody can tell me otherwise.

I only wonder what will happen to me now that the credits are rolling and the lights have turned back on.

Just Two Brothers

I grew up in the midwest with parents from completely lower-middle class backgrounds.
Besides other factors, I've found that how one shops for food is one of those things that depends completely on where and how you were raised.

Being from the midwest means dairy, beef, and corn are readily available.
Pineapple? Not so much.
Fish? Nothing fresh unless it's from Lake Michigan.
Tofu? who? what?

My family went to the local chain grocery, Walmart (for the cheap tolietries), as well as the be all and end all of cheap groceries: ALDI!

Aldi only has private brands and there is only one brand to choose from. It's a whole store of generics.
And barely anything costs more than $1.50.
The meat is frozen, the veggies are frozen, and boxes and cans line the aisles.
This is midwest shopping at it's finest.

Luckily, there are plenty in Chicago and I've found that no matter where I live, I'm within a mile or two of one.

But friends and the news have me thinking that perhaps I should think more about what I eat.
Buying more locally and more organic and (most importantly) more expensive.

As I've grown a bit and gotten used to the fact that YES, I WILL SPEND THE MONEY I MAKE, I CAN'T SAVE IT ALL, and I moved and realized that the Aldi was a bit further away, I have branched out.
I went to the organic section at the local store.
But most importantly, I went to Trader Joes.


Now quickly, here is basically the difference between the two stores.

Aldi:


Look at the cute old people and the large, empty and yet easy to navigate aisles. Sure the food is full of sodium and may give you cancer but dammit if the layout is not distinctly German.

Now here's Trader Joes:


Cramped, crowded, the aisles get smaller as you go down them, and half of the shoppers feel better than you because they are shopping there.

The checkout system alone confused the shit out of me. There is no belt to put my food on so I couldn't just put the food back into the cart and bag my own at the bagging table (LIKE ALDI). Instead I had to stand there and try to shove the food into my bike panniers as fast as he scanned them since there is no room ANYWHERE while the yupsters in line behind me stare at me like I'm one of the old ladies at Aldi (let me tell you, they move when it's time to move.)

Also, why are there more people working at Trader Joes than shopping there? It's already bad enough trying to cram the food, carts, and shoppers in. Then throw in about 25 employees walking around the floor asking me if I need help.

Yeah, I need you to get the fuck outta my way and tell the assholes at the cheese counter that NO I DO NOT WANT A SAMPLE.

At Aldi, nobody bothers you. You shop, you leave, it's perfect. I have to pump myself up for Trader Joes. I have to mentally prepare myself for the confusing layout (why are the crackers above the frozen food?), the crowds, and especially the tight, rushed space that is the checkout counter (because it's not a line, it's a god damned counter like I'm checking into a hotel and there is no concierge to take my bags.)

But dammit.
The food tastes better.
I got the thin frozen green beans from both Aldi and Trader Joes and guess what?
Trader Joes was better.

While I sacrifice money, atmosphere, and my own sanity, I am gaining HOPEFULLY a healthier meal and, eventually, a healthier body.


but wait a second.
QUICK HISTORY LESSON.
Aldi was started by two brothers from Germany. Karl Albrecht and Theo Albrecht. They had a disagreement sometime 45 years ago or something and Theo was all PEACE OUT and then in the late 70's, he BOUGHT Trader Joes.

Yes.
Aldi and Trader Joes are just brothers.

It all makes sense now.
Aldi was all "well I'm cheap and all but dammit if I don't give the customer a superior shopping experience as well as lower prices."
And Trader Joes laughed in Aldi's face and was like, "HAHA, American's think you are for poor people, they will do anything to eat my organic food, even if it means getting their toes run over by carts."

I'd like to think I can keep going to both. Hit up Aldi for bulk items and Trader Joes for specialty foods.
Who says I can't date two brothers at once?
I want to have my organic cake and eat it too.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos

The office I work at is in an odd part of town. Some would call it the loop, some would call it the west loop, I simply say "it's by the train stations."
Because we aren't "technically" in the loop with the other offices, we are not as close to a seemingly endless supply of lunch spots.

The closest thing we got is the food court at the train station across the street. And like any food court, it's just a collection of every fast food restaurant that has ever existed.

There is Arby's, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Mcdonalds, Panda Express, and Subway (because you want to pretend it's not fast food.) As well as Mrs. Field's Cookies and Dunkin Donuts and Cinnabon - because let's not forget about dessert.



Because of this, I ALWAYS bring a lunch.
As a girl who hates her body 99% of the time, I cannot afford (money and health wise) to spend $7 on grease for lunch.
So I pack my chicken or fish with brown rice and veggies with a side of fruit and light yogurt (see, can't forget dessert).
I don't exactly look FORWARD to eating this trainers dream meal, but it fills me up and doesn't put me to sleep.

Yet apparently, I'm the only one who takes the time out of her home-time to pack a lunch.
Everyone in my office goes across the street and eats that shit EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
Today, I had the pleasure of smelling and looking at Arby's and Jimmy Johns as I heated up my broccoli.
Yesterday, I got to smell a nachos grande and a personal pan pizza.
Last week, it was mcdonald's fries and a steak sandwich.

While I try to pretend like I'm the better person for avoiding this temptation, in reality I am JEALOUS TO ALL HELL!

While yes, the majority of these people are what I would classify as OVERWEIGHT, there are those two or three with the crazy metabolisms of a 13 year old boy.
They sit there shoving their face with cheetos while I drool and munch on a carrot stick (god I am so sick of carrot sticks.)

But I know that my metabolism is one of a 57 year old woman and that even eating well and working out regularly does not shed the pounds.

So as I continue to crave low mein and spare ribs, I'll instead munch on grapes and salmon.

Because really, nobody wants to end up like this:

White Picket Fence

Every 3-6 months I sit back, look at myself, and think "damn, I was fucking stupid back then."
By back then, I'm referring to 3-6 months ago.

This has been a constant thing since I hit my teens years.
I'll look back at something I did or said or wore and be amazed at my stupidity.

But when it comes to my views of the future, those remain fairly constant.

I know that I will never drink coffee.
I know that I will never agree with right-wing nutjobs.
And I know that I don't want a mini-van or a baby stroller or to end up like my parents.

Or so I thought.


9 months ago, I was writing here saying how I had never felt so free and how I was going to travel far and wide and how I didn't have to get the hybrid car in the 'burbs.

This weekend, I visited a friend in Wilmington, NC. There, she lives with her boyfriend in an adorable two bedroom house with a yard. They have a mini-van but she still rides her bike most places. They walk to a small downtown area with local clothing stores and wine shops and they are a mere 30 minutes from the beach. She buys vintage furniture and she is amazingly happy.

And dammit if I didn't get to thinking.




I still want to travel and see the world, but I also want to have my own home space that I can decorate and keep clean and NOT have to deal with two messy male roommates.

I love the city life but I'd also love a front porch.

Kids annoy the living hell out of me but dammit if my mom and grandmothers pleading eyes don't make me question my own uterus.


Now the girl who once wanted nothing more than to put everything in storage and backpack for a year kind of wants to plant a garden in her own backyard.
The girl who once felt liberated because she was single, now feels more at home with her boyfriend.

But perhaps in 3-6 months, I will look back and laugh at this.
A silly girl with silly ideas.

Sending Out an S.O.S.

So today, I walk into work and as I head to the bathroom to change out of my sweaty bike clothes, I look down and see an upside postcard leaning against the wall.

The postcard has an image of a message in a bottle with the name DAVID written on the bottle.

I ignored it and went to change.

When I came back, it was still there and I paused, hesitating, wanting to pick it up.
But I thought "well my name is not David" and I continued on by.

Because maybe there is a David and that is for him. Maybe whoever left it knows he will see it and will pick it up and read it and it will make his day or change his life or make him cry or who knows!

Or, ya know, it was just somebody's trash.

But it made me wonder if maybe there is a note out there with my name on it.
A card or maybe even a bottle.

We are always looking for "a sign" (whatever that means) to help us make that next step in life.
We all want to think that there is some hand guiding us, a puppet master, or even just fate, something that is directing us to make the decisions we make.

But really, there isn't.
I can try to blame karma all I want but in the end, the reason anything happened to me, was because I made it happen.
I made the choice to quit my job and be unemployed.
I made the choice to ride a bike and not pay enough attention.
I made the choice to place an ad on the internet looking for love.

Whether the results are good or bad, you made the choice.

But dammit, I still want that postcard.
If only for it to say:

"You are doing ok."

Testing, Testing

New posts to come.
New layout is here.
Perhaps, a new focus?

I'm thinking of adding pictures, not just links.
Shorter entries that may not have to do with anything.
As a friend recently told me, I am at a turning point in my life.
As another friend told me, I am a restless spirit, destined for greatness.

While I know I'm restless and turning, I'm not so sure about the greatness stuff.

But let's try, shall we?